When I read this headline, “FIRM HAS HIGH HOPES: MARS COLONY BY 2025

,” in the paper Saturday morning I almost put the paper back in the bag, back outside on my doorstep, and crawled back into my bed to just start over.

Humans to settle on Mars in 20 years? Had The Onion been delivered on accident?

I think by “high hopes” they mean a group of people got together, smoked something illegal, watched Apollo 13 and came up with the brilliant plan that they could go take over Mars.

Two words for that group: GOOD LUCK.

In summary, the plan that 4Frontiers’

CEO, Mark Homnick, has is to bring human beings to Mars by 2025 through independent financing and sales from a tourist attraction dedicated to Mars. Personally, I didn’t know it was that easy to take over a planet but what do I know? Maybe I’ll go stake out Jupiter or the 10th planet, 2003 UB313. (Love the name.)

The first step for Homnick and his team is to develop a mock-up of what they hope life on the Red Planet will entail. This mock-up will be a place where tourists can come and pay an exuberant amount of money to see what 2025 has in store for them. Everyone in Colorado, Florida, and New Mexcio beware. This Mars site may be in your backyard in the next couple of years. Homnick and Co. are looking at locations in those three states. San Diego has Sea World, Colorado has Mars.

It’s an understatement to say Mark Homnick is obsessed with Mars but he is not the only one. There are many other intense individuals out there who love Mars, belong to Mars societies

, and attend annual conventions. Mark Homnick just took it to a whole new level.

On a positive-you-go-get-em-Mark note, if Mark does succeed he will go down as one of the great explorers in history books around the world. The only difference with Mark’s mission is that he will have a different mode of transportation.

While Amerigo Vespucci had this…

Mark Homnick will have this…

For all you BOM’s (Believers Of Mark) out there, I will make a bet with you. If by 2025 Mark sends a group of individuals out to space to inhabit the Red Planet, I personally will find a way to pay for you to visit them. Yes, do the math, that is 20 years and millions of light years away.

Good luck with that, Mark.