Watermelon – It Baffles Me.

matty water

Here’s the thing. I’ve started to notice that watermelon has it tough. You offer me an orange…I’ll give you a straight up answer of yes or no. I’ll know the second I see it if I want some of your vitamin C. You offer me an apple…I’ll know whole heartedly whether I want it or not. BUT …you offer me a slice of watermelon. I’m gonna judge it.


You’re gonna have to sell me on it. Like you do everyone.

This is why. Let’s say I have a plate of watermelon in my hand. I go up to you and ask politely, “You want a piece of watermelon?”

There will be a pause.

You will contemplate this question for approximately 4 seconds. Maybe more. And during those 4 seconds three things will go through your head:

1) How cold is the melon?
2) Are there hidden seeds?
3) Am I too full to take it on?

While these questions run through your mind I will sell you with the key watermelon sell, “It’s really good.”

And then there will be a 78% chance you will take it.

Why will you take it? Because I sold you on it. Watermelon has to be sold.

I am baffled by this. I saw this happen again last night. I watched from afar as a woman offered another woman some watermelon at a soccer game. The whole offering of the melon, taking it or not taking it took …you guessed it….TOO DAMN LONG!

For something so “All American” you’d think we’d snatch it up as fast as we do hot dogs at a ball game but nope. …we judge it. And here’s the weird thing…almost always I truly enjoy my watermelon experience and only occasionally regret it. The regret factor happens only when the person who told me that “it’s really good” has lied and it’s really…bad. Like, it has been sitting in the basking sun all day bad. Mushy bad. It’s room temp bad. (THE WORST KIND OF BAD.) But seriously, for the most part watermelon served on a tray is unbelieveable. My mom is the queen of watermelon offerings. She presents it like it’s gold on a platter. Usually it only takes people 2 seconds to accept.

Note to all: Watermelon needs to be CHILLED! When someone has chilled watermelon you can see it in their eye. They also put more emphasis on their pitch of “It’s really good.” Take note. Next time you approach someone with that plate of watermelon…you watch. They will eye that plate like no tomorrow. Judging. Assessing. Contemplating.

Oh and just so you know…an entire watermelon is edible by the way. Yes even those scary seeds.

I now ask you the question….
“You want a piece of watermelon?”
“It’s really good.”