Uncle John’s Lifetime List of Beverages

That’s my Uncle John eating his last supper at Koo Koo Roo, the chicken restaurant he used to patronize every day until they shut down all operations in San Diego. Every day John would go to lunch or dinner there until one day, out of the frickin’ blue, they literally boarded* up the shop, not even informing their #1 customer. He said it was like breaking up with a girlfriend.

The picture of John with his chicken and double steamed vegetables was taken at the only other Koo Koo Roo restaurant in San Diego after the break-up. To lift his spirits, I took him there for a therapeutic talk to get things off his chest. Although that location wasn’t too close to his house, he decided that once in awhile he’d make the 20 minute drive there as a treat. Unfortunately that relationship also ended abruptly and Fuddruckers took over a few weeks after our meal there together. That was the last time John saw Koo Koo Roo.

But when relationships end sometimes all you need is time to mend your broken heart. Well, I’m not gonna lie, a new relationship never hurts either. He is now seeing an individual named Tony Roma and doing really well.

Here is the list of all the beverages my Uncle John has consumed over the past 53 years, 9 months, and 11 days.

1) Water…………………………. 111,402

2) Beer …………………………… 8,252

3) Orange Juice………………… 6,000

4) Plain Milk**…………………… 3,653

5) Milk Shakes…………………. 1,920

6) Chocolate Milk…………….. 1,828

7) Bloody Ceasars***……………. 401

8) Apple Juice …………………. 220

9) Hot Chocolate……………… 55

10) Wine…………………………. 33

11) Shot of Tequila…………… 1

12) 7UP****…………………….. 1 sip, spit it out

Asterisks:
* I equate the harshness of ending a relationship without notice by boarding up a shop to the way “you know who you are” broke up with my friend through e-mail. Totally uncalled for and completely immature.
**All the plain milk that John drank was before the age of 5. After that — never plain.
*** Bloody Ceasars are Canada’s # 1 cocktail and are by far superior to Bloody Marys because they replace the tomato juice with Clamato Juice. Over 250 Million Bloody Ceasars are served in Canada every year. (For all you non-Canucks, Clamato juice is a blend of tomatoes and clams and was invented by the American company Duffy-Mott in the summer of ’69.)
**** John has never tried Coca-Cola.