November 2005

This past Saturday night, November 12th, the third annual Intense Individual Party took place. If I could drum up a better adjective to describe this party other than Intense I would use it, but the truth is there is no other way to describe it. It was literally and figuratively — INTENSE.

I was very pleased with the fact that so many individuals scrounged through their attics and pulled out their tents so that the guests of the party were able to sleep in-tents as well. That was a nice touch.

Throughout the night moments of pure hilarity were witnessed by many. One of the first moments of absolute Intensity was when Harrod Blank

showed up all the way from Berkeley with two of his famous art cars. They got lost a few miles from the party and ended up at a local Starbucks. When they pulled up the entire Starbucks stopped business, everyone went outside, gawked at the cars, and then followed them to the party.

This one was covered with old music boxes that actually worked. Unbelievable.

The other art car, the brass van, was covered with $15,000 worth of brass objects and took 20 years to make.

As the cars arrived at the party, the Intense Individuals out in the backyard migrated to the front of the house to see the cars with their own eyes.

Intense!

I think the cast of Anchorman were the first ones on the scene. They stayed classy as they conducted groundbreaking interviews with Harrod and his friend Hunter. Later on in the evening I found Geraldo in the corner, totally pissed he was late to the party and didn’t get an interview. Sorry, GR.

“This is Rooooonnnn Buuuurrrrgundy reporting in front of the art cars at the Intense Individual Party.”

The moments were endless and the only way to really document the intensity is with the pictures that many digital cameras captured that night.

So here you go.

The Channel Four News Team from Anchorman….”Stay Classy San Diego.”

Michael Jackson, the early days.

Teen Wolf ready to dominate the basketball court.

Anchorman’s Veronica Corningstone, Aunt Jamima, the emotional Ty Pennington from Trading Spaces, Britney Spears and Courtney Love surrounding Harrod Blank as he arrives at the party.

Geraldo Rivera and Mother Teresa. A dynamic duo.

When Marc Summers asked them what they wanted to do, they definitely took the physical challenge.

Prince and Dolly Parton with Bob Barker, his miniscule microphone and one of his babes.

(Before I get emails from people asking me which plastic surgeon I visited pre-party, I will give you the recipe for Dolly Parton sized boobs. Take your average sized bra and stuff it with batting (teddy bear stuffing) to make your cleavage quadruple. Then take a 42DD bra and put it on over that and stuff that with 20 times more batting than you stuffed your average sized bra with. Finally, take apart an old bracelet and glue gun the beads onto the 42DD bra for the nipples. Wa-la…You have Dolly Parton sized boobs.)

One word: Tomkat.

I’m in Looooooooove!!!!!!!!!!! My couch is in shreds.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen all the way from NYU.

Lance rode in straight from the tour and was immediately swarmed by his fans.

She Bangs! She Bangs! William Hung living the dream.

Rex Kwon Do….Fuuuhhhget about it.

Party Boy from Jackass. What time is it???

Prince and James Lipton…so many blue notecards.

Weird Al, Ellen Degeneres, and Barbra Streisand. I wonder what they talked/rhymed about….

Dolly with Mrs. Federline.

Peg Bundy.

Björk and Frida..giving each other Icelandic and Mexican cultural lessons.

The only party where you’ll find Aunt Jamima, Peg Bundy, Teen Wolf, Prince, Mother Teresa, Michael Jackson, and Kris Kross all getting down on the dance floor together.

Hopefully, my family’s Christmas Card for 2005. Happy Holidays from Teen Wolf, Dolly Parton, Rex Kwon Do, Ashley Olsen, Styles/Wolf Buddy, and The Pope. (A little egdy with The Pope but what are you gonna do…he’s Intense.)

Paris Hilton and the most random entourage she’ll ever have.

Suzanne Somers and her Thigh Master.

The original Daisy Duke.

Courtney Love was wasted when she arrived which made it tough on Veronica to conduct an interview with her.

In this picture Aunt Jamima gives Michael Jackson and The Riddler the low down on Tom The Genius

(#1 Intense Individual of all time….wish you could have been here Tom.)

The Dead Presidents.

It was an honor to have Conor Lastowka, one of the individuals who started National High Five Day

, here with us that night. Here he is surrounded by the Duff Beer Gal, Prince, and James Lipton. A big high five to that.

Rod Rodey (RIP) and Bob Barker.

Prince’s crushed velvet purple suit was simply…magical.

Cruella Deville and Jimmy Hendrix.

Tim, the most Intense/best DJ in the world with Mother Teresa after she took off her habit but kept the cross. How religious of her.

Everyone agreed, this shot was worth denting my brother’s car for. Surfin’ USA.

Aunt Jamima flipping pancakes.

Peg Bundy, Cruella, Paris Hilton, Marilyn Monroe, and Geraldo…just hanging out like any normal Saturday night.

At the end of the night the crowd voted on the Most Intense Individual of 2005. The trophy was brought out as well as the gold, silver, and bronze medals.

The winners were:
#1 Teen Wolf
#2 Peg Bundy
#3 Prince

It was tough on me to give the first place prize to my brother but the crowd spoke and he was the unanimous favorite. Aside from the hair glued all over his body and the Beavers jersey, I think he ultimately won because he was in character all night long. (And it wasn’t even a full moon!)

Overall, the costumes were spectacular and the Intensity was all around. It was great to see Venus and Serena challenging Elvis to a game of Guess Who. It was moments like that you don’t see everyday.

Thank you to all who brought their Intensity to the party because you all really made this party truly Intense. A big high five to Katie Bergman (aka: Prince) who flew all the way out from New York for the party. Another high five to Maureen Cullinan (aka:Mother Teresa) and Goose from Top Gun) who also made a big trip out from Chicago to attend.

Get ready for II #4…coming to you in 2006. I plan on setting the date now so you all have time to buy your ticket.

Until next time, stay Intense! I cannot even begin to think about what 2006 has in store.

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It was PURE SUGAR but it was equally sweet and splendid.

On Friday night some of us went to see Def Leppard perform here in San Diego. The concert was fantastic and so was the people watching.

Although most of us (minus Lauren) knew only one song and one song only, we rocked out as we waited for the encore song of the night. The song? You guessed it. Pour Some Sugar On Me. As the band from Belfast rushed back on stage after taking their obligatory we’re-trying-to-fool-you-that-we’re-leaving break, the crowd went wild and so did we.

As the song began the sugar packets were ripped open and we poured sugar on everyone in our vicinity. To say it was sweet would be an understatement.

The picture of Carly flailing her hair above pretty much sums up the concert. With Def Leppard in the background and sugar in the air, Carly forever has evidence for her future children in case they ask her if she was cool when she was younger.

I will never look at a sugar packet the same way again. Thanks, Def.

PS I wonder if the binoculars that guy was using to get up close and personal to Def were the same intensity as the ones they used in Shopgirl? Hmmmm….doubtful.

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There’s no question that we go to the movies to suspend our disbelief and for the pure enjoyment of the movie going experience.

The popcorn.

The expensive soda.

The company.

The previews.

The whole experience.

It’s awesome. (Especially at Century Theaters in Evanston, IL.)

For all who know me, I am obsessed with movies. I thrive on the whole experience of going to the movies and don’t ever hesitate to dish out 10 bucks for two hours of entertainment. Besides rent, movies are probably my biggest expense per month. Although I shun them on first dates (Like the one with DaWan*. He took me to see Harry Potter after he took me to dinner and ordered for me…but that’s a whole other story) I will embrace them on second dates and beyond.

If there is a beyond.

When thinking back to my movie going experiences there are many that stick out in my mind. Here are a few that come to mind first.

- Going to see Father of the Bride with my dad at eleven years old. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him wipe away a tear as Steve Martin gave away Annie. I remember not understanding why my dad was crying. That was a moment for me.

- Rushing to see Tuck Everlasting on a Friday night with some friends from Northwestern because the “book was so wonderful as a young child” and the trailer “tugged at our heartstrings because of the perfectly placed Enya song.” The movie turned out to be a DOG. On top of that, it was so packed that night at the theater (the rest of the audience had been touched by the trailer as well) and we all had to sit alone in separate seats. My seat was also stolen by a 45 year-old but again I won’t go into that here. I am still bitter about that night.

- My Girl. Oh. My. God. Stephanie and I sobbed in the theater as we watched Veda’s best friend get taken away from her forever. T.O.M. (Tough On Me.) I have no idea why I went back five other times. Dragging other friends to wallow in the misery.

- Bicentennial Man. Enough said.

- The Notebook with Courtney Urbano. Walking out of the theater and both of us questioning if we had really ever experienced TRUE love. “Shit, nobody has ever built me a house.”

- Remember the Titans. I am sucking it up and admitting my guilty pleasure. I saw it five times in the theaters and twice by myself. You now are allowed to stop all contact with me if you choose to.

And most recently…..

- Shopgirl. The inspiration for this post.

This is where I will give you the chance to stop reading if you don’t want to know anything about Shopgirl because you plan on seeing it.

OK. This movie was mediocre for me. I give it a 2 out of 4 stars. I’m not going to say it was on the level of Bicentennial Man but I will say that it could have gotten a better rating if they had eliminated one scene. The scene that took suspension of disbelief to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

You see, when it comes to movies, many of them are high concept. The difference between a good film and bad film is whether or not we buy into the world the filmmakers create for us. (And also as long as it’s not titled Battlefield Earth.) The reason that Back to the Future worked is that Robert Zemeckis did an unbelievable job making us buy into the fact that all we need is a flux capacitor and a little plutonium to go back in time. 88 MILES PER HOUR!!!!! (For some reason the flux capacitor has been brought up a lot in recent posts.) I am not going to say much about BTTF II or III but I will say that BTTF numero uno was freakin’ awesome. The reason being that Zemeckis allowed us to buy into the fact that Doc knew what he was doing.

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for Shopgirl. The filmmakers did not know what they were doing whatsoever.

To bring you up to date on the premise of the film, Claire Danes’ character Mirabelle, a lonely 26-year-old, meets Ray Porter (Steve Martin) and Jeremy (Jason Schwartzman) who are 60 years old and 26 years old respectively. She goes on a couple dates with Jeremy but ends up falling for Ray after he sends her some fancy black gloves in the mail (quite stalkerish). As the film moves along we see Ray and Mirabelle falling for one another as Jeremy sort of disappears out of Mirabelle’s life.

The film is set in LA (population 3,694,820). This is important because of what I am about to tell you in regards to the scene that almost made me walk out of the theater.

Mirabelle lives in a tiny community in Los Angeles. When Ray picks her up one night for a date he points up to the Hollywood Hills to The Observatory which can be seen faintly in the hills. (FYI: The Observatory offers a fantastic view of Los Angeles near the Hollywood sign.) This is a good representation of the kind of view you can get from up there.

Ray finds the fact that he can see The Observatory in the distance fun because his mansion is right next to the The Observatory. He says to Mirabelle, “I bet we can see your place from my place.” This is a little foreshadow for the most exaggerated moment in film history.

About fifteen minutes later in the film, Mirabelle is on her way to meet up with Ray for a date at his house. As she is leaving she is interrupted by a phone call from Jeremy who wants her to come over. She says she is going to bed and then leaves her house to go to Ray’s. At Ray’s house they stand out by his pool. Ray’s got a pair of binoculars up against his face and he’s pumped because he thinks he can see Mirabelle’s apartment! “It’s next to the green sign…look….it’s to the the left of the green sign,” exclaims Ray.

OK. I am already not buying it but whatever. He can see her apartment? Sure. But, hey — it’s the movies, right?

Then something astonishing happens. I don’t know what kind of binoculars these were but whatever they were must have been state of the freakin’ art.

As Mirabelle focuses the binoculars and moves them from left to right to find her apartment she just HAPPENS to zoom right into the window of Jeremy’s apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She sees him sitting on the couch with his hand down his pants. Quickly, she removes the binoculars from her face and gives them back to Ray totally embarrassed. He asks her what was wrong but she shrugs it off.

I’ll tell you what was wrong….THAT SCENE WAS WRONG.

I know I use the word unbelievable a lot but this is a time where that is the only word to describe this scene. ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE.

Here is the view again….

There is no way in hell that Mirabelle would have found Jeremy in the swarm of the 3,694,818 people out there. (I subtracted Mirabelle and Ray from the population.)

The only possible answer for Mirabelle’s miraculous find is that she must be a whiz at Where’s Waldo.

If this movie was a spoof then maybe…maybe I’d allow that scene to be in the movie. But not a movie that is trying it’s best to be realistic. (Even though they have a 26 year-old dating a 60 year-old with no double takes from onlookers.)

Personally, I might have sort of enjoyed this movie had that scene been eliminated but since none of the people involved with making this film spoke up and said that the scene “might be a bit of a stretch,” I have absolutely no respect for them at the present time.

Steve Martin, I love you and all, but please stick with movies like Father of the Bride where the 26-year-old lead is your DAUGHTER.

Asterisk/Footnote
* DaWan, thanks for the dinner laden with sesame seeds because I obviously have no ability to order for myself. The ironic thing was that his last name was DaWan and so when I got home and my friends asked how the date went…all I could really say was, “Well, I think he might be… Da-Wan!!”

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