Apples..the New Nightmare


About a year ago I found out about a very disturbing website called …a forum where fans of Celine Dion are able to write in to let the other members know what kind of dreams they had about Ms. Dion the night before. One word: SICK.

It was excruciatingly painful but I gave it a thorough (nice spelling…huh, Sas?) read and realized that there are some really messed up people out there. Some of my friends and I had a solid laugh over it for a few days but there is only so much you can handle until you need to just say no more.

Well, last night as I laid in bed I was listening to a guilty soft and contemporary radio station called KYXY 96.5. As I laid there peacefully, trying to hit REM, I heard it — the voice on the radio, “My heart will gooooo on” — oh Celine. They say the last thing you think of before going to bed is what you will end up dreaming of…thank God I didn’t fall asleep for a couple more songs. As I laid there listening to the Academy Award winning song of 1998, I couldn’t control it…thoughts of filled my mind. Ahhhh….I tried to think of rainbows and roses and whiskers on kittens but to no avail. I couldn’t get that website out of my mind. Luckily, somehow I fell asleep…(don’t remember when – never do.)

Morning came, and the alarm blasted. I rolled out of bed, stretched my arms up into the air… nightmares. Didn’t even remember any of my dreams. Oh well. I meandered into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, grabbed some coffee, and then turned the computer on to check the morning websites and email. Up until then I hadn’t even thought about the Celine or the website. But then BAM. It hit me. All my thoughts from the previous night came back full throttle. I tried to eliminate it from my mind but I couldn’t do it, there was like a magnetic force was drawing me to the site. Curiosity got the best of me and I gave in. I decided to pop into for a quick second. I mean it had been a year, I could handle it right? WRONG. I clicked on the link…OH NO!!!! The site had been updated beyond my wildest nightmares. Celine herself was now a part of the game. There was even a link to Celine’s own personal dreams. So I took a deep breath, looked in the mirror and said, “Lisa, you can do this…” and clicked on the link.

Before you read her dream that I copied and pasted below, let me just tell you, it was so bad that I had to close the window afterwards, walk into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Here you go: brace yourselves:

“Apple Dream” of Celine Dion

“I am one of those people who have recurrent dreams, seeing the same sequence over and over. Almost every night I dreamed I’d swallowed a big, hard, cold apple that had gotten stuck at the back of my throat. I’d wake up terrified. Sometimes I’d go for hours without sleeping because of the sensation of that apple in my throat. I don’t think I’d ever felt so vulnerable and so helpless.”

WOW. Never felt so vulnerable and helpless??? At least apples are made up of 25% air. I think there should be a new site started called Celine’s Mares (no not the Arabian horses….I’m talking about the ones we have at night).

After I regained my composure and dried off my face, I forced myself to check out the fan’s dreams. I only had to read one to realize these were even more ridiculous. Here is just one of them:

Fan Dream #66

Becky 35, UK:

“I was in a strange building (glass front) not sure where it was… and I was due to meet Celine with a few other people… I was so excited as I’m a singer myself and I knew it would be my only chance to get my CD to her for her to perhaps listen to! We were escorted into a room but I found I had forgotten the CD and I was panic stricken! I tried to ask her to wait while I went and got one but she couldn’t stop. I actually woke up crying because I was so upset. It wasn’t a nice dream at all.”

The interpreter (yes there is one on the site)….says…”Becky, please don’t be upset, it was just a dream.”

Oh, thank you for that, interpreter.

(DISCLAIMER!!!!! I know there are a few people out there (I will not name names…you know who Hew guys are) who will read this and think, “Lisa didn’t you admit back in ’01 that you are guilty for Celine Dion songs?” I will be the bigger person here and just be brutally honest: Yes. I did say that. It was a weird time for me, alright? That whole Chrysler commercial spectacle Celine pulled on us got the best of me and I once in awhile found myself sometimes blissed out in my Jetta on Lakeshore Drive, listening to the song a “New Day Has Come,” daydreaming/pretending my ghetto Jetta was a Chrysler.” But people change, ok? I am over that very shameful time in my life.

Sweet dreams,

Food for thought on this Tuesday night: You’ve had daydreams but have you ever had a daymare? Think about it.