What’s Your Alias?
I believe everyone has a fake name they go by when they get tired of their own. You know you’ve either done it or thought about doing it. Switching it up a bit, just for kicks. My mom’s is Wanda. Mine is Shelly. What’s yours?
I digress.
I had a huge surprise when I opened up my washing machine last night. Since I had done a once over on all my dirty clothes in the bag before I dumped them into the wash, I wasn’t expecting to find anything out of the ordinary. Well, I was wrong. Very wrong.
When the buzzer sounded, I forced my body out of bed (I have the flu) and walked outside to my backyard to move the clothes into the dryer. I thought my fever had gotten the best of me when I opened up the dryer to find a familiar face staring back at me. ARDY? 
There he was, sitting on top of the wet clothes, totally spotless. Clean as could be.
Ironically, he had been due for a bath for quite sometime now, but I don’t think I would have ever gotten him as clean in the bathtub as the washing machine got him. He looked brand new! (Except for all the writing on the bottom that had endured the wash thanks to Sharpie.)
But although I was pleased that Ardy was so immaculately clean, I was still perplexed as to how he got in there. None of the clothes had pockets that he could have been hiding in and as I mentioned, I double checked the bag for odd articles. I guess it will just have to go down as one of life’s big mysteries, right up there with Tupac Shakur and the Universe.
I don’t even want to think about what the outcome would have been had I found him in the dryer.
Rubber melts, k?
Anyway, the washing machine story is just an example of how weird things have gotten for Ardy lately.
Almost as weird as the time he hung out with the Czech children’s choir.
I will soon add some more pictures and stories of this little duck’s adventures…otherwise known as his “Life Outside The Tub.” 
Stay tuned.
Facebook
Twitter
Ardy is a pimp.
Word.
I reckon it’s time to switch Ardy’s name to “Lucky Duck”…alias Eldee, no?
Glad this story had a happy ending.
xo dalc
A few things to note about this story, or as the lay man might say ‘Hew’s top 5′:
1. I thought your mom, who thank god recently switched to gmail and made all of our lives that much easier (or at least less stressful), went by “Louisiana” as her alias. Am I dead wrong on that?
2. i’ve never seen Ardy with the Czech children’s choir and I nearly died. He has such stage presence.
3. I had a 110% meerkat panic attack when i first read about the washing machine. I thought all that Sharpie might be gone forever. I think you need to write Sharpie yet another letter thanking them for their ingenious product (although for all I care they can GFY, sharpies put me on edge).
4. Hope you kick that flu phool. Making me nervous over there. I know you’ve been reading it, but you might want to start drinking some chicken soup. Lay off that Thai coconut, k?
5. How you managed to put him in the washer without knowing, even after going so far as saying that you did a once over, is beyond me. Hew are luging it. Somebody give that girl a gold medal.
Talk about luging it, I am supposed to be doing work right now, but here I am rampaging another top 5. It must be Wednesday.
Hewbert
Tell me it’s original Ardy the 1st and not his cousin born at the Christmas party… All that long hard work I put into giving him cornrows?? Well, if it is him, tell him, he could have at least told me he didn’t like them instead of jumping in to the wash. geez!!
I worry for Ardy a little bit: the run in with the seething swans, the near death with the dryer, being surrounded by the Czech equivalent of 15 Dakota Fannings. Please keep an eye on him, k?
Ok, so you don’t know me, but your site is listed under my brother’s friends on his blog sqrabbit.com…and I have been visiting your blog at random for the past few months and I have a couple of comments.
First, I love reading your posts, you are quite funny and when I need some humor I just click on your site.
2nd-sharpies rule..I use nothing else (at least in the marker dept.)
3rd-I get very tired of having my name pronounced wrong so every now and then I tell people my name is Monica
and lastly-don’t feel bad about washing Ardy in the Washing Machine, cause I once tumble-dried my cat.
Thank you for the entertainment.
Cassie
For the record: I wasn’t aware of the cat-drying incident, and absolve myself of any wrongdoing should the authorities become aware of it. I think cats melt in the dryer even more than rubber.
Huh, funny that Cass is claiming she found you through Jake’s site. You’ve been listed on my site for months. Perhaps my ‘best friend’ doesn’t take my blog seriously, or doesn’t trust in my taste of fun websites. It’s on now Cass… Sorry for the post to Cassie on your website, in consolation, you’ve got 3 of the coolest people from Hillsboro on your message board. Lucky you!
And I love that she tumble dried her cat. I hope it was the one that tried to smother me in my sleep when I was staying at her parents house.